One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28-31
Things have changed a lot in our home in the last almost two years that I have been ill. Some of the things that were "very" important to me have had to become "not so" important. I used to make the majority of our food from scratch, the kids had very little processed food and sugar was the "s" word. Now, it's not so rare for frozen pizza to be dinner and cheerios to be breakfast. Thirty minutes of media each day used to be the max for the kids. Now... well, let's just say 30 minutes is no longer the max. I no longer make George's lunch for him. I used to iron his dress shirts. Now, after they've sat in the dryer for a couple days and then the laundry basket for a couple more, they go straight into the closet. Ironing was a way to show him that I love him. Now, he knows that pushing myself to get out of bed on a really hard day (which thankfully, seem to be less often) means, "I love you."
With all of those changes, there are two things that have not changed and never will: I am madly in love with Jesus and I am committed to loving the people that He brings across my path. In truth, it is frustrating not being able to do the things I used to, but this illness has given me an opportunity to see the things I can do still. I can choose to point my heart toward Heaven when I feel discouraged: Psalm 121. I can choose to become bitter when it seems that loved ones don't care about what I am going through or I can choose to walk in love and forgiveness. I can choose to yell at my kids and have a pity party when they make a mess and feeling sick makes it extra hard to clean up, or I can ask the Holy Spirit for an extra does of patience and grace.
Although my intentions in the way that I used to show love were good and admirable, giving up those services for awhile will not be on my mind when I see my beautiful Savior face to face. This faithful, loving King that I adore...If He tells me, "Things in your life were pretty crazy in that season and you fell short of a lot of your ideas for yourself, but you kept the main thing, the main thing," it will be worth it all.