Friday, October 5, 2012

Random Gratitude

I am grateful....

that Disneyland offers wheelchair rentals
for my husband who was willing to push the wheelchair in the 100+ degree heat
for a week with my mom
for people that care even if they aren't sure how to express it
for people who have never experienced an extended illness, but try to understand anyway
for hot baths
and hot coffee (super yummy no sugar added Pumpkin Spice Latte at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf)
that I am NEVER without hope
that nothing is ever wasted with Jesus - Romans 8:28
today, I am especially grateful that my Jesus is greater that Lyme disease and any other sickness that is trying to bring me down

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34

I've spent much time crying out to the Lord this week.  I've asked for His help, His strength, His direction and, as always, His healing.  There is a verse that came across my path three times, in three different ways: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest..."  Matthew 11:28
This is something that I long for; I desire rest.  It's hard to be sick and to care for small kids.  Rest is not a big part of the program for them; my kids like to go.  I asked the Lord to help me understand what that rest looks like for me.  He showed me that a big source of anxiety for me is looking at the future:  How will I get up and care for the kids tomorrow, how will I make to pick up my son from school, are my kids going to get sick if I feed them this processed food because I'm too sick to cook from scratch, will their IQ's drop because I allow them more media than I would if I was well, will I be this sick next week, next month, next year?  (I know some of these questions might sound silly, but I'm trying to be real here)
Why do I keep worrying about the future?!  Hasn't God shown Himself faithful?  He has gotten me through every day the last two years.  Some days gracefully and some quite clumsily.  But, He has been faithful!  Yet, I still get myself so worked up...why this setback, what should I do, why am I not further along in my healing from Lyme disease?  I don't know the answer to any of these questions.  But, I have a loving Father who knows the answers; I can trust Him. I can stop working myself up with these questions and entrust Him with my healing, the timing and how to get through the days until I am healed. 
 “Look around you and be distressed, look within you and be depressed. Look to Jesus, and be at rest.”  Corrie Ten Boom

My friend, I don't know what tomorrow looks like for you, I don't know what anxieties you have, but I know that the only answer is looking to Jesus today.  I know that there are questions you want answered, but I know that dwelling on those questions will bring anxiety, not peace. Will you join me in resting, in looking to the only one who has grace enough for today?  He will hold us and comfort us.  Let's trust Him today.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Don't Give Up

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.  Hebrews 12:3

There are times, when I have exhausted all hope and comfort that I can find. When I pray, the Holy Spirit is very quiet. Today is one of those times.  Two and a half weeks ago, my oldest came home from school sick.  There had been a virus going around in his class.  I was up a couple of nights with him and his fever.  A few days later, my youngest had the same virus.  Hers took the form of a croupy cough that made her gag and vomit.  So, I was up quite a bit with her.  At the same time, my husband got the same virus.  He's pretty tough, but this is a bad one, so he wasn't able to help much those days.  A few days later, I had the same virus.  Then, my son's turned into an ear infection...more nights of no sleep.
I can't say for sure, but I think that the combination of lack of sleep and another acute virus, have wreaked havoc on me.  I feel like I've been knocked backwards in my healing from Lyme.  The aches, chills and exhaustion are back in full force.  I cannot tell you how discouraging this is.  I cannot think of facing the week ahead of me, caring for the kids on my own, making sure my kindergartener has everything he needs for school, trying to make meals and clean, etc...


Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares [us], and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of [our] faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.  Hebrews 12:1-3

Do you know what I get from that passage?  "Don't Give Up."   When there is nothing else to say or do, when I cannot find help, God says, "Don't Give Up."  There's a song by Misty Edwards, in which she sings, "Don't give up, don't give in. If you don't quit, you'll win, you'll win."  That may seem simple to some, but to me it is profound, it's all I have on days like today...don't give up.

And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6:9

I know some may read this and not be able relate to what I am saying.  This may sound scary and depressing to some.  But, for those of you who have been through prolonged trials, for those of you who have days when the light cannot seem to break through, I write this for you. My friend, what are you facing today?  What circumstances are in front of you that rob you of hope and encouragement?  What situation are you in that promises no change this side of eternity?  When you have nowhere to turn, when you are at the end of everything that you know to do, will you join me in enduring?  Keep going, keep looking at Jesus for in due season, we shall reap if we faint not.

Monday, September 10, 2012

One Thing Remains

We have had a terrible virus running through our home.  The kindergartener brought it home, shared with his sister, then on to Daddy and lastly, me.  I haven't slept much and am feeling worse than normal with this virus that seems lodged in my throat...ouch! 
These are the times when I/we need the most encouragement.  Yesterday, as I was driving to pick up the kids from our sweet babysitter (no date night, but a nap from mommy and daddy), this song came on the radio:
It's called "Your Love Never Fails."  This version is by Chris Quilala.  It reminded me of so many dark days, when I would listen to it over and over again.  My favorite line is: "This one thing remains..." It would remind me that sickness can't last.  But, the love of Jesus, I will have FOREVER.
So, listen and enjoy....
Whatever you are going through, it will not last forever, but the love of God will.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Finally, Irrefutable Diagnosis

Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.  My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.  Psalm 63:7-8

There is so much I want to say.  Truly, I'm not even sure where to start.  Do you know anyone who has ever cried tears of joy when finding out that they have a terrible disease?  If not, you do now.  Last Monday, I received my latest lab test results: The Western Blot IgM test for Lyme disease.  It was positive by any standards.  The Health Department even contacted my doctor about me.  That was somehow validating.

I say "irrefutable" because I have been diagnosed with so many things that later proved to be incomplete or just wrong.  I was first diagnosed with hypo-thyroid, then two parasite infections and an H.Pylori infection, then insufficient adrenal gland function, then mononucleosis, then Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, then Lupus which changed to Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease which changed to some type of Auto-Immune disease, Heavy Metal Poisoning, and then a Systemic Candida Infection.  Some of these things were correct, but they were not "THE" problem.  My understanding is that Lyme Disease is so overwhelming to the immune system, that other infections that the immune system usually keeps in check, are allowed to run rampant in the body.  I was so tired of fighting all of these things and then still being sick.  I prayed when I went to the lab a couple of weeks ago, that the results would be very clear, that I could know for sure whether I had Lyme disease or not.   And the Lord surely answered that prayer.

There are so many other wonderful details involved.  So many things that God did to bring me the answers I needed.  But, I don't want to overwhelm anyone that reads this, so I will save those for another time.  For now, I am so grateful to know what is making sick.  I started treatment a while ago (part of those details) so I am starting to see slow improvement.  I have a doctor here that I trust and we are moving forward with treatment.

Of course, it is terrible that I ever got Lyme Disease, that I ever got so sick.  But, I am so, so grateful to finally know what is causing it.  Thanks be to God who has worked miracles for me!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Bless the Lord

Today is a hard day. I am facing many circumstances that I don't like. I'm left wondering why. When things are particularly tough, I don't always like my reactions....self pity, discouragement and confusion just to name a few.  But, a wise man taught me that emotions are involuntary, instantaneous reactions.  He taught me that I don't need to get hung up on them, but rather that what I choose to do is more important.  So, I am choosing to bless the Lord.  That is always a good response.
What is going in your life?  What seemingly impossible challenges are you facing?  Will you take some time with me and bless the Lord? 
I love this song by Matt Redman, "10,000 reasons."
I've listened it to several times this week.  But, singing along (in between tears) really does encourage my heart.  I hope it encourages yours too.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

An Eternal Weight of Glory

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward [man] is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding [and] eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen [are] temporary, but the things which are not seen [are] eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I long to encourage the hearts of those who are enduring prolonged trials, especially those are ill.  What better encouragement is there than to know that our suffering is not in vain? Even if we cannot see the reasons or the fruit of our endurance now. An "ETERNAL weight of glory."  When we arrive at eternity, we will know that nothing was wasted...
I know how real the suffering is; sometimes, it can feel overpowering.  But, we can know that when that "eternal weight of glory..." is our new reality, that glory will be more than worth our "light affliction, which is but for a moment..."