I haven't written for a while. I want to write to encourage others out of God's heart. I don't want to merely keep a blog chronically my illness. And, to be honest, I haven't had much inspired encouragement to share lately. It's been a rough go recently. I started a new medication that takes a minimum of six weeks to take effect. So, we are waiting hopefully for that to kick in. I also got some test results that show very high mercury levels in my body. My rheumatologist said it's one of the highest he has seen. As, you may know, there is no safe level of mercury for humans. So, I am working on getting rid of very old amalgam fillings and then taking medication to remove the mercury from my body. But, those things take time to show improvement, and in the meantime, well, let's just say it's been hard.
A week and a half ago, I had a bad reaction to either the new medication or a virus or my body just couldn't handle all the sickness any more. I felt worse and worse and then passed out. Poor George couldn't get me to come to (thank God he was home) and called 911. The firemen that initially arrived had a hard time finding a pulse or blood pressure, so they had the paramedics take me to the hospital by ambulance. At the hospital, my blood test came back positive for a possible pulmonary embolism, so I had a CT scan done, which was clear. The doctor told me that just having Lupus can cause that blood test to be positive due to high levels of inflammation. So, since my blood pressure was back to a normal place, I was sent on my way. My family and I decided I needed some extra rest and help for a bit. So, my parents, sister and a friend all juggled some days off and I am going between their homes so that they can help with the kids and I can get some rest.
As you may imagine, I am incredibly grateful for the help, but at the same time, it's all pretty discouraging. I am tired of being sick and tired of not being able to take care of my family.
This week, as I lay in the dentist's chair, I listened to worship music while I was having my fillings replaced. One of the songs that started playing on the borrowed MP3 player, was one of my old favorites, it was Delirious?'s "History Maker." Oh, how that song brought back memories, wonderful memories, memories of singing that song in my college aged years, committing to follow my beautiful King anywhere and be a history maker. And it stirred a lot of emotions. This isn't exactly how I saw my life playing out when I sang that song ten years ago. On the heels of that thought came another, I am being a history maker. It may not be in the way that I imagined it would, but a history maker none the less. I am making Heaven's history book as someone who is depending on Jesus Christ daily and remaining in Him through a very difficult time. I am making history in hell as someone that the enemy of my soul tried to take out, but didn't, because I stood dependent on Jesus Christ.
I am not saying this in a bragging sense. I am saying this because, you too my friend, are making history. Your life may have taken a different course than you imagined. But, if you are living John 15:4-7 by remaining in Him whatever may come, you are making a beautiful history. When we arrive in eternity, the history books of Heaven will be opened and our history will read a lot different than the history books of earth.
We have this promise, "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done." Revelation 22:12. If that's not enough, read Matthew, 5, 6 and 10, read Ephesians....it's in there over and over again. He will reward our patience in suffering, our love for Him and our representation of Him by loving others.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. John 15:4 (emphasis mine)
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13 (emphasis mine)